Rant on!

I feel like like sometimes you have to let loose every once in a while and stand for what's true.


Here's a taste of what I mean, from my new blog:

"Take the recent publicity surrounding cop-on-black crime.  These horrendous situations have led to riots, protests, and racial unrest nationwide.  Suddenly all cops are bigots, and all blacks are victims.  No, wait – all blacks are criminals and if they want to escape police violence, they shouldn’t commit crimes.  No, that’s not it – all cops are overly violent and most recently all bikers are white supremist douchebags but they’re white so they get away with it..."

read more here 

It's been awhile, but I'm still here!

I've moved to wordpress, but I am having a hard time establishing a reader base.  So I figured, I've had over 10k pageviews here, why not share a few?

here was my first post

and here's an excerpt: 

To ask someone what it’s like to have ADHD is to task them and yourself with an endless explanation of a multifaceted “thing”. First, what is it?  Is it a disorder? Disease? Mental illness? Disability?  Right there you have the first category of many arguments to be had.  Second, are you looking for the perspective of an adult with ADHD, or a child?  The parent of an ADHD child?  The neurotypical (NT) child of an ADHD adult?  Adhd does not just affect the mind and life of the person diagnosed with it, but also the lives of those they interact with.

I hope you like it and I hope you give the new blog a whirl!

my video introduction to EatLiveDreamADD.Wordpress.com

So this is both my announcement that I'm switching to EatLiveDreamADD.Wordpress.com and a peek at what I'm like in person.  So if you've ever wondered what I look or sound like, here ya go!



I will not be deleting this blog, however.  At least not for a while.  There will be a few files transferred, from here to the new blog, however I like the idea of a vlog so I might just continue using Blogger with YouTube to get that going, since I cannot upload videos at Wordpress. 



Thank you for the almost 10,000 pageviews since starting up in September of 2013, and I look forward to a new year of ADHD Adventures!

the absent-minded poet

Some times, the weirdest things come to mind...  I shared this today in a group online...

I am 34. aged to perfection.
Bacon does NOT give me an erection
Selfies are not a thing that I do,
and I get obsessive when talking 'bout poo.
Poetry's nice, I think mine's quite simple,
It pops into my mind like the puss from a pimple.
I write a blog and it's all about me
and my battle ongoing with ADHD
I love to eat bacon, drink liquor, and run
though not in that order... that wouldn't be fun
to run full of bacon would sicken me so
Bacon, post-run, is delightful though.
so I'm young, and I'm bald, I'm a father of 3
I'd type so much more, but I really must pee.


you know, when I was in high school, I actually wrote a lot of poetry.  Some of it was really lame.  some was disturbing, and some was pretty decent.  I've always been good with rhymes.  These days I put it out there fairly regularly that I love Bacon.  There's been this rash of posts in this particular group about guessing people's age, which I just don't understand.  Then this poem just came to me. one line at a time.  In the middle of perusing the ADHD facebook group and watching The Walking Dead on Netflix. 

Poetry was a good outlet for me.  Anything driven by emotion or confusion or just being downright silly is good for the ADHD mind.  We so often have a habit of saying too much, too soon.  The more we get that out of our system on our own, the better equipped we are to say the right thing, or to keep quiet when necessary.  It could also be great practice for witty conversations and comedy stand-up...

To me, the funniest thing about this poem is I won't be 34 for another month LOL

Baconlove

Rub Some Bacon on It: http://youtu.be/wSReSGe200A

One thing that, when you get to know me, is abundantly clear: I love bacon.  We all have something abnormal we almost obsess over, and for me that's bacon.  I have a bacon calendar on my desk at work, I have bacon flavored lip balm, bacon flavored floss, even a bacon air freshener in my car.  I share videos and memes about bacon, and do my part is spreading the word about the bacon revolution.

I know it's rediculous.  and in reality, I don't eat a whole lot of bacon (because then I'd get sick of it),  but it is great in everything as the primary ingredient (bacon and eggs, bacon pancakes, etc) or as a condiment or added flavor for salad or meatloaf or ice cream or anything edible. 

ADHD comes with the ability to hyperfocus, though we often don't realize it.  Even been able to read an 1100 page book front to back, before realizing you just spent about 13 hrs straight reading?  I've done that, and at the time had never heard the term hyperfocus.  Think about the things you are crazy about.  Toe socks? Bacon? Pizza?  Beer?  My daughter has a pencil collection, I have a rock collection and a shell collection.  Even our collecting hobbies can be reinforced by our ADHD, and can help treat it!  I digress...

Bacon.

Studies have shown bacon to provide therapy for many things from anxiety to PMS, and supports healthy pregnancy.  Bacon is a well known hangover remedy, as well as a cure for the common headache. 

go eat bacon, and experience a little piece of my world...

The beast has resurfaced

Why so serious?  I often ask myself this same question, but with much less enthusiasm, angst, and donut face then my daughter in the video above.  Lately I've found myself letting loose a bit, and I tell ya, it's weird. 

With me, it's all or nothing.  I am either in complete control or completely out of control.  There is no "just relax a little" when I get uptight or tired. Yesterday I let loose with a few videos I came across on facebook, with very little damage done.  However, offline, I was a complete waste.  I usually get a few hours of studying in each day, but yesterday I did none.  I joked around with my coworkers all day.  Some of you might say "so what?"  but now here I am, the next day, still having done nothing but eat a shitload of candy and goof around all morning, rippin out this gnarly blog on a whim with no real purpose... but some days are like that.  No purpose. 

I get like this sometimes and think about how different things were with meds and wonder why I ever wanted to stop.  Look at what I'm capable of, however, with a little freedom from the Ritalin Ball-and-Chain. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZ-hhTbyzew&index=2&list=FLzIZ-1evkXb71_XphBsztUQ

I can't put the actual video on the blog because it's not listed, but it's my daughter and I performing Little Bunny Fufu in character...  Who does that?  Certainly not Medicated Andrew.  Just saying.  Then there's the Friends I've made.  I have to say I'm glad to have taken the time to get off meds and learn more about my "tribe" as we so affectionately refer to ourselves.  I have come to know more about myself and others like (and unlike) me with ADHD.

So as far as being medicated, I will continue not to be.  It's ok to be unsure though, from time to time. 

bacon.

Health Insurance, Big Brother, And you

A little Off Topic, I know; this is a conversation I've found myself getting sucked into more and more lately as my company's health insurance provider is going to be charging a surcharge for not submitting a biometric screening by enrollment.


Usually the Health Insurance conversation with a blogger in my "field" is more related to prescriptions, Doctors vs. Shrinks, and the like.  Not today.  In an expected turn of events, the health insurance provided by my employer has made changes which, in keeping with a long insurance tradition, will provide a way for the insurance money to make a little more money.  But this time, it's not through risk assessment, per se, but rather more like a parent saying to a child "I've had enough".  Health insurance is not cheap.  Not for the insured; and, increasingly, not for the insurer.  More and more people are getting sick, or just simply not taking care of themselves.  "It's rediculous that 'Big Brother' is getting in our business like this'".  

Road Rage 3: the invisible egg

Sometimes I feel like daytime drivers are all part of a union, which requires them to mess with people and just be all around douchbags on the road. 

I had to make a stop at the Dr's office this morning on the way to work.  First I get routed all over Northern Illinois because there is construction EVERYWHERE.  I've finally gotten back to the intersection that will put me on the road I need to get to the DR, and I see this dude driving backward down the wrong side of the road, through the intersection.  WTF?  I make my turn into the lane he was in, only to find out why he was driving backward... There was an accident.  Car was bent in half around a street light, and the fire truck that responded was blocking both lanes, so the road was closed and traffice was being diverted.  By now its too late for me to get out of it, so I'm stuck waiting for traffic to crawl by this accident (which occured at an intersection, so all for ways are being controlled by traffic cops.  It took me 45 min to drive a quarter mile  The dude in the car behind me is eating with his mouth open, spilling food all over himself. Gross.  I'm pretty sure the dudes in the car next to me are rolling a joint.  Really?  Really.
  So I did not have time to stop, and it took me 2 hrs to get to work instead of the anticipated ~75 min.  I didn't have an appt, just needed to pick something up, so the Dr. thing was no biggie.  But now, again, I'm detoured all over the suburbs trying to find a new route to work.

A Friend Worth Sharing my Bacon With

What does it mean to be a friend in 2014?  What does it mean to lose a friend?  to gain a friend?  Friendships can be a bitch to maintain these days.  First of all, people have to move where the work is.  Location is a huge factor in maintaining friendship.  Then, of course, none of us have money to actually go out and do things.  Lastly, technology has made us socially ignorant when outside the virtual world.  Now add ADHD.  What needs to be done to actually spend quality time with friends?  Well there's scheduling, remembering...  9 times out of 10, when I see an invite to an event or get a call to do something, I have to decline.  I'm either working, have something to do with the family, or I just don't have the money to come.  I care about my friends, but I hang out with my friends so rarely that I often feel awkward or "out of the loop."

 A perfect example (and really what inspired me to write this entry) was a recent wedding.

Dating and ADHD

How have I not touched on this?  Ever?

Dating with ADHD can be SUPER tough, or super easy, depending on how your life so far has affected your confidence and your social abilities.  I sucked.  I ruined a lot of friendships and relationships for the simple reason that I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no idea that hanging out with a girl would lead my girlfriend to think I was cheating.  I had no idea that when I started dating one of my best friends, I'd have to kiss her (regularly).  Then I grew up a little (or not at all LOL) and discoverred that even though I now knew these things, I could still not control myself enough to have a meaningful relationship.  I honestly wish I had learned what I know now when I was like, 11, so I wouldn't have spoiled so many opportunities as a teenager to actually have an enjoyable relationship.  I was drawn to people who were drawn to me.  Either those who were a bit socially awkward like myself, or complete narcissists who need the attention they got from a People Pleaser. The latter could never understand why I suddenly lost interest and accused me of not caring (which, at that point, was accurate).  The former expected who-knows-what from me and I didn't provide it, because neither of us ever knew how to talk to each other.  I'm glad my wife is awesome and we're married, because if I had to get back into the dating world these days, I wouldn't survive LOL.

My advice, based completely on my own experiences and probably not nearly applicable in anyone else's circumstances: Date often,  don't force it and don't go professing your love for the first boy or girl who gives you the time of day (otherwise everyone after becomes the new "love of your life" and you never get to learn what love is).  Relax and have a good time.  Don't be afraid to hold hand or give a kiss, and don't feel obligated to go any further than you're comfortable.  It should be a learning experience until your 20's (it WILL be a learning experience at least that long.  I'm 33 and still learning!)


On the flipside of things, if you are dating or married to someone with ADHD, understand their emotions and thought processes ARE NOT the same as yours (even if you have ADHD also) and remember that your relationship should- and hopefully will- be an enjoyable adventure from start to finish.  If it turns into a "Wrong Turn" kind of adventure, don't just let it be.  Fix it, and fix it together.  This can be done.  I've done it.  It's not easy, but knowing that ADHD relationships are high maintenance from the start will help you get through.  Communication is key.  Therapy may be needed.  You may experience a desire to throw away all the laundry that keeps piling up (and you're welcome to it, I hate laundry).  You may need time away (I call this "going fishing").  Don't be afraid.  Tough it out whenever possible, because afterward a successful relationship is all the more appreciated for the work you put into it.


Lastly,  Remember that there is ADHD involved.  Address your relationships just like you would anything else in your ADHD life.  Talk to your therapist, friends, or parents if that's what you do.  Be open and honest.  Do NOT judge. 

you'll be alright.

Finally (yes I just did that) remember that bacon will always be common ground for you to rebuild on.

Random epiphany: Utopia

How many times have you asked yourself, others, or have been asked: "What would you do if you won the lottery?" or "What would you do with $1billion?"   Are your first thoughts about your new luxury lifestyle or about helping your loved ones?  Are they about vacations?  Buying a plane, a nice car, or a big house? 

Every day I drive to and from work via a rural road, mostly through forest and field, thinking how nice it would be to have a few thousand acres of land to play with and do with what I please.  I have been thinking a lot about the economy lately, and my local ecology as well.  I have discoverred what my ideal life would be. Remember, this is ideal, not necessarily 100% realistic...

I would own 2-5 thousand acres of wetland/prairie ecology.  I would plant minimally, using only local, non invasive (ie silver maple and other trees which tend to take over) plants.  The land would be designated as a preserve, so would have to be in an area with protected wildlife (like wild horses) and I would live there with limited friends and family in a semi-communal lifestyle.  we'd provide our own agriculture.  There would be power, generated by the sun and wind.  Being a wetland, water would be well or stream, with a filtration system which requires minimal upkeep.  The filtration would begin where the water flows into the property, so everything in my ecosystem can experience clean water.  for those who still decided to work (say, to pay the property tax or maintenance costs of the land and lifestyle), there would be parking at the entrance, just like any state park or forest preserve.  The focus would be on clean living within a natural ecosystem.  There would be livestock (goats, sheep, horses, poultry) but also wildlife food sources (deer, berries, pheasants, etc).  We would live publicly (schooling, taxes, hospitals, etc) but with a minimal carbon footprint. 

why?

We are killing ourselves.  We pollute the land we live off of, and thus polute ourselves.  the people of the world need to retain the knowledge of how to care for the land and live off it.  We've lost touch with that.  Decades ago, the people who survived the Great Depression did so mostly because they knew how to be self sufficient.  They grew their own food and canned it for the winter.  They raised goats and chickens in their backyards.  They lived as extended families.  Recently, we had a large recession, and people panicked.  All you heard about was people being upside down in their mortgage, foreclosures, and the price of food and services going up.  People need to realize that they can save hundreds each month by planting a garden and owning a few chickens and goats for milk, eggs, and meat.  When society takes an enormous shit into the fan of life, I want to be among those who have time to duck.  Those who are self sufficient, yet still willing and able to contribute to society.

My Dream house would look something like this.

So my house would be solar powered.  My crops would have ditch irrigation. I would have Apples, berries, and various fruits and veggies like broccoli, tomatoes, celery, leafy greans, cucumbers, corn, peppers, chilis, peas, and squash; and of course roots like onions, potatoes, radishes.  I wouldn't use a microwave.  I'd have a fire-heated brick oven and an electric stove.  So of course there would also have to be plenty of hickory and oak on the land.  It'd be kinda like a commune, but not so cut off from society.  I'd maintain that connection so the reality of what today's society does, to the land and to each other, is always present.

So I guess this turned into a bit of a rant.  When I go to a forest preserve to run, or a river for tubing, I am at peace.  The less I see of societal impact on my surroundings, the happier I am. 

Maybe I need a Kickstart to make this a reality LOL!

To Fail at Sky Diving

How many of you are country fans?  Ever hear the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw?  Inspiring, right?  Wrong.  Nightmares. 

Many people with ADHD deal with depression and/or a heightened imagination.  Dreams of violence, suicide, etc. can put us on the edge or make us wonder if we don't have some deep down violent tendencies.  I just have the nightmares.  Waking nightmares.   The other day I was listeing to this song, and thinking about what it would be like to go skydiving.  My dad just had a heart attack a month or so ago, and of course, this reiterated the mortal fear in me.  So here I was, kind of daydreaming about going Skydiving with my dad.  The cargo/jump door opened, and I without my chute got sucked out, as my dad hopelessly watched his only son fall away.  As I came out of the daymare, I was left with the sense of him jumping after me, chute on his back and an extra in his hand... but did he reach me?  I'm willing to bet my dad would jump out of a plane if he though he could save me.  Did he reach me?  Of course now I'm thinking of myself and if I were in his shoes and it were one of my daughters.  The images are so vivid I could scream. 

This has recently come up in conversation in one of the groups I regularly participate in online.  An individual had been having violent or depressing dreams, and was wondering if, deep down, she was suicidal.  I won't go into further detail but it made me realize I am not alone with the mightmares and the morbid imagination.  It was interesting to see the comments on that thread.  They were so supportive.  The general consensus was there that if she truly believed she was capable of self harm or harm to others, to seek professional advice.  However, beyond that, there was support.  "You aren't alone, I have those dreams too" kind of comments.  I shared some of my nightmares, daymares, and fears as did others, and I feel like we all kinda changed her thoughts from "What if I'm suicidal?" to "These are the things I fear the most."  When we fear something so strongly, we are not likely to act it out, but rather shy away from it in the waking world. 

My nightmares are almost always about witnessing the violent death of my loved ones, or falling to my own death.  When I even have the slightest thought of harm coming to my kids, I can't bear to look at them, because I see it all over again.  I often wonder why I can't imagine nice things.  Anxiety maybe?

So, here I am in my ADHD mind wondering where I'm going with this, and really, it all boils down to two things.

Assume the best about yourself, not the worst; surround yourself with people who will motivate and relate.

You are not alone.  Whether it's finding something so wonderful it's almost addicting (like Pink Floyd Music) or so awful you wake up screaming, there's someone out there who can relate. 

Inspiration.

I realize that ADHD does not affect us all the same way.  Some people who read this face far more challenges than I do.  And some less.  Some of you may read my posts and think "This guy's nuts."

That may or may not be true.

Yet others may read this and think, "Man, I wish I had his problems." 

I try to write about the good and the bad that happens in my life.  One thing that remains consistent is why.  I write because there are those who are worse off who can't express their needs and frustrations.  I write to provide perspective to those who might not otherwise understand.  For those of you who struggle with OCD, Depression, Autism, and other spectrums, disorders, personalities, and/or handicaps: I love you all.  I write for you.  You are my heroes.  My inspiration.  I am able to joke about my ADHD, and do so gladly.  However, don't think for a minute that I don't take it seriously at the same time.  If my life is ever bad, there's someone out there who has it ten times worse.

I grew up as a runner, with a runner as a father.  When I would feel a little bleh about things, he'd notice.  We'd be driving and he'd see a homeless person walking down the street with Cerebral Palsy or some similar affliction (This specific example actually happened) and he point them out to me.  He'd say "Son, that's why we run.  We do it for the people who can't."  Thus he taught me that there are always people worse off, fighting a harder battle. 

So for those with similar issues to mine, and those without, remember this the next time you need motivation, inspiration, or if you just need to know you're worth it.  Someone else has it worse, and they are still living day to day like it matters.  Because it does.  Regardless of who you are, or what your superpower is, you matter.  Do not get down on yourself for the cards you're dealt.  Find something you can do, and do it for those who can't.  And for those who can't describe their ADHD, can't deal with their ADHD and Aspie child, know that I gladly represent you and recognize your battle, which in and of itself makes you a stronger person than I.

To the rest of you, please appreciate the situation of others and remember you may not know what they go through.  Rather than being judgy, be inspired.

Kudos to a great friend in the ADHD community

You may have seen this posted before, however it was terribly put together and I feel it did not do the subject justice.  Please give it another chance, and I highly recommend you follow the links...

Credit for all links, photos, and quotes goes to Tom Nardone.  Just sayin.


Once there was a man named Tom Nardone.  In fact, more than once, as there is still a man named Tom Nardone.  Well Shit, what a great start.  But this is how I role, and Tom Nardone would say "F!#* it, you're awesome!"  So I'll continue.  Tom is one of my favorite people. A Wise Man, is he, who finds the awesome in everything.  This particular man has a loving relationship with a chair, brings pizza to job interviews, and kills lawns like a champ.  My hero.  I know now, because of Tom, that my reality is true that Call of Duty take precedence over just about anything that tries to interrupt it.  I take solace in that.

His Wife, Yvonne, calls him a Bloggernaut.  This man is relentless in sharing his wealth of knowledge, and isn't afraid to admit it.  Yet, he's also not trying to hog the spotlight.  He willing helps others with blogs and personal issues, not discriminating.  His poetry is worth a read as well, and is at par with the rest of his blogs.  Most importantly, however, Tom Nardone is a man with a realistic interpretation of the ADHD Blogworld.

To hell with the world's most interesting man.  Tom Nardone is the world's most awesome man. Even so, he goes out of his way to promote his peers almost as much as he promotes himself.  Though I consider myself to be fairly mediocre as far as bloggers go, this is how Tom sees me:



Most importantly, he provides an accurate detail of the value of the crap in our lives. When you read his blog about used things being the best things, you'll see that he is so right.  I have been screwed by my house, and by my car...

Vacation blues

What you want from a vacation is not always what you get.   Family reunions, especially.  There are always those favorite relatives who couldn't make it.  That crazy aunt or uncle who drives everyone nuts (or is the life of the party).  One thing I've always loved, however, is the break from reality.  Drink a little more, eat a little worse, stay up a little later.

Not anymore.   This vacation, those last three things are getting cut short.  I suffer from tension headaches, and after regulating my sleep and diet for several months, I have found that I cannot simply stop and let loose just for a vacation.  Right now I'm typing this in bed on my smart phone because laying down equalizes my blood flow and relieves some of the tension in my head.  I can also work out or run l, allowing the endorphins to sort me out.  I plan to after this post.  The only other thing that works is Excedrine Tension Headache, or it's name brand equivalent.  This speaks volumes to the need, especially for someone with ADHD, to maintain a healthy balance of food, exercise,  and rest.  The problems we have without a healthy routine are not always just enhanced ADHD symptoms, but also physical symptoms.  So I will be ending this now with a question and a thought.

Thought: the hardest part about getting in shape and developing a healthy routine is the actual development.   Once you get started, your body will tell you when you get too far off track a lot of the time.

Question: does anyone else out there suffer from tension headaches or other  physical symptoms, and how do you link it to ADHD, if at all?

Tantrum: Revisited

Those of you who are not new readers know I have an internal nemesis named Tantrum.  For the newbies out there, I'll break it down real quick like.  Ever have those days where one thing after another goes wrong and you get so angry you start to take it out on everything and everyone around you?  Yes, well, maybe not.  Anyhow, I do, and I call this phenomenon Tantrum.  I find Tantrum is easier to combat when personified.

Tantrum struck hard this weekend.  I can't really go into the details, unfortunately, as I feel obligated to respect the privacy of those I was with this weekend who might read this and find it otherwise distasteful.  I digress...

tantrum struck hard.  I was not at home.  I had no "go-to" sanctuary to calm my mind and fight the battle.  so I fought Tantrum, in the open, in my mind, and fought so hard I was in tears for hours.  You might ask me "Andrew, why would you put yourself through this?"

Glad you asked.

ADHD is all in the mind.

Literally.  It's not made up, but it all takes place in the mind.  Mental health is just as important as physical health.
In the shadow of one of the most difficult days since I began this blog (meaning difficulties that are ADHD related) I am updating the blog with my work on becoming a healthier person. 

In recent days and weeks, I've battled to maintain a healthy diet.  I'd say I've done fairly well for the most part.  I've stopped losing weight, which is ok, because my clothes are still fitting more and more loosely, and my energy levels are better, so I know I'm still on the right path.  However, my mental health, as seen in my last blog, has been suffering a bit.  So now, along with eating well and trying to get out a few days a week and get some exercise, I'm going to start incorporating a little self awareness and meditation into my daily routine.  Just sitting quietly and listening to everything going on around me is like that first stretch in the morning.  All the muscles wake up, there's a big yawn, and I'm good to go.  I sit, lay, stand, whatever, and just listen to everything going on around me.  I can focus on anything and everything and just listen.  Then I turn that attention inward.  How am I feeling?  what aches?  Am I hungry?  Thirsty?  What's good for breakfast today?  just 5 or 10 minutes a day is enough, first thing in the morning, or at lunchtime at work, or even right before bed (great for getting to sleep)  Any thoughts or dreams, write them down.  Maybe blog about them :)

so you may see a few more abstract blog topics in weeks to come.  I'm on vacation next week, and doubt I'll be on the internet much, if at all.  If I am, it's probably just to upload photos.  Just as a break in your day is a good thing, to recharge your mind and keep a positive mental attitude; a vacation works just the same way, and everyone should take them!

Basket case

Anyone who's taken a break from their meds will get this...


I recently experienced a life-altering event.  I'm not sure why it's still affecting me, since it's over with, and life has gone on with no injury, torment, sadness, or any other insanity which would cause me duress.  Yet here I am, still unable to function.  It's started affecting my work life.  My blogging.  This morning I wrote and rewrote a blog 3 times, each time less cohesive than the last.  I am second guessing myself constantly.  I do not have the time or money to undergo any non-med treatment, and so it may come down to a decision to take up the ritalin coat of arms once more.


Essentially I feel like I did when I first tried to stop taking meds for my ADHD.  I attempted to quit cold turkey, and the effects were immense.  Concentrate?  What's that?  Focus?  yeah, right...

That's where I am now.  Luckily, I have well developed habits to get through the day.  Even so, I feel like I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth.  I have reverted back to focusing on people's lack of understanding my thought process.  I have created discussions and arguments where none were needed.  Much like the depression that sets in during the winter months, I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. 

Of course I can maintain a facade.  I can act like everything's good.  Those who really have an "in" to my behaviours, however, know the truth.  My manager is one, for sure.  I've been making stupid mistakes regarding processes I've been doing since I started working here.  Mistakes that have no excuse. I'm mixing up my kids' names (more than usual), forgetting what I was saying mid sentence, and spacing out in the middle of conversations.  It's like I'm re-experiencing ADHD for the first time.  And it's exhausting.  It doesn't help that I've been depriving myself of sleep.  Luckily I've been eating fairly well, however I have reintroduced an unhealthy amount of sugar into my diet.  I still get a great balance of everything else I should have, especially Vegetables and fish.  If not for this, I'd be a complete Basketcase.  I feel like my mental functions are deteriorating. It's a helpless feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone.

 I wrote this Morning about semantics, word usage, choosing your battles, all somewhat tied together in my mind, evolved into 3 seperate attempts at 1 blog entry.  All of which disintegrated as I wrote.  I can't retain a thought.  I can't even tell you what I've done so far today at work.  I know I have been putting music on my phone (I lost my iPod) and I know I have a vacation which starts Thursday.  I can tell you the important stuff about my life, my job, my family... the things I've been thoroughly trained on.  Holding on to it while I explain, however, is difficult.  Typing this was difficult.  I started it 3 hours ago.  And now, 20 min after the last sentence, I've had to reread the whole thing to remember what my point is (if I even have one).

So I will leave it at this:  ADHD has been a pain in my ass lately.  That's pretty much all.  And when I put it that way, it seems easier to address. 

Has anyone heard of Ritalin?

"Has anyone out there had any experience with Ritalin?  My kid's doctor just put her on it and I'd like to know about side effects, etc."



This is not an uncommon question in ADHD circles.  It's always driven me nuts.  Until I was preparing to blog about it.  I would ask anyone who reads this to please share it with whomever it may apply to.

My initial rant was about how annoying it was to me that people would put their kids on meds BEFORE asking around about the medication.  As I was thinking about how to explain why, it dawned on me that, generally, these kids are young.  Parents are young.  The situation itself is new, confusing, and quite possibly scary.  Plus the parent has had the Dr's reassurance that this is the right thing to do.  Who thinks to tell the Dr "Hey I'd like some reading material and some time to think about this."  That said, I really can't say I blame anyone, however:

update

My Life with A.D.D/A.D.H.D.: My road to a Healthier life: Before I get into the meat of the topic, let me summarize the back story.  At the end of April, I went in for my yearly check up, and my blo...









Just a follow up on the blog posted above.



I have made it!  from now on I am and will continue to be the lightest/thinnest I've been in 10 yrs.  I did this mostly with maintaining a healthy diet, and now it's time to start working on getting stronger.