Rant on!

I feel like like sometimes you have to let loose every once in a while and stand for what's true.


Here's a taste of what I mean, from my new blog:

"Take the recent publicity surrounding cop-on-black crime.  These horrendous situations have led to riots, protests, and racial unrest nationwide.  Suddenly all cops are bigots, and all blacks are victims.  No, wait – all blacks are criminals and if they want to escape police violence, they shouldn’t commit crimes.  No, that’s not it – all cops are overly violent and most recently all bikers are white supremist douchebags but they’re white so they get away with it..."

read more here 

the absent-minded poet

Some times, the weirdest things come to mind...  I shared this today in a group online...

I am 34. aged to perfection.
Bacon does NOT give me an erection
Selfies are not a thing that I do,
and I get obsessive when talking 'bout poo.
Poetry's nice, I think mine's quite simple,
It pops into my mind like the puss from a pimple.
I write a blog and it's all about me
and my battle ongoing with ADHD
I love to eat bacon, drink liquor, and run
though not in that order... that wouldn't be fun
to run full of bacon would sicken me so
Bacon, post-run, is delightful though.
so I'm young, and I'm bald, I'm a father of 3
I'd type so much more, but I really must pee.


you know, when I was in high school, I actually wrote a lot of poetry.  Some of it was really lame.  some was disturbing, and some was pretty decent.  I've always been good with rhymes.  These days I put it out there fairly regularly that I love Bacon.  There's been this rash of posts in this particular group about guessing people's age, which I just don't understand.  Then this poem just came to me. one line at a time.  In the middle of perusing the ADHD facebook group and watching The Walking Dead on Netflix. 

Poetry was a good outlet for me.  Anything driven by emotion or confusion or just being downright silly is good for the ADHD mind.  We so often have a habit of saying too much, too soon.  The more we get that out of our system on our own, the better equipped we are to say the right thing, or to keep quiet when necessary.  It could also be great practice for witty conversations and comedy stand-up...

To me, the funniest thing about this poem is I won't be 34 for another month LOL

A Friend Worth Sharing my Bacon With

What does it mean to be a friend in 2014?  What does it mean to lose a friend?  to gain a friend?  Friendships can be a bitch to maintain these days.  First of all, people have to move where the work is.  Location is a huge factor in maintaining friendship.  Then, of course, none of us have money to actually go out and do things.  Lastly, technology has made us socially ignorant when outside the virtual world.  Now add ADHD.  What needs to be done to actually spend quality time with friends?  Well there's scheduling, remembering...  9 times out of 10, when I see an invite to an event or get a call to do something, I have to decline.  I'm either working, have something to do with the family, or I just don't have the money to come.  I care about my friends, but I hang out with my friends so rarely that I often feel awkward or "out of the loop."

 A perfect example (and really what inspired me to write this entry) was a recent wedding.

Dating and ADHD

How have I not touched on this?  Ever?

Dating with ADHD can be SUPER tough, or super easy, depending on how your life so far has affected your confidence and your social abilities.  I sucked.  I ruined a lot of friendships and relationships for the simple reason that I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no idea that hanging out with a girl would lead my girlfriend to think I was cheating.  I had no idea that when I started dating one of my best friends, I'd have to kiss her (regularly).  Then I grew up a little (or not at all LOL) and discoverred that even though I now knew these things, I could still not control myself enough to have a meaningful relationship.  I honestly wish I had learned what I know now when I was like, 11, so I wouldn't have spoiled so many opportunities as a teenager to actually have an enjoyable relationship.  I was drawn to people who were drawn to me.  Either those who were a bit socially awkward like myself, or complete narcissists who need the attention they got from a People Pleaser. The latter could never understand why I suddenly lost interest and accused me of not caring (which, at that point, was accurate).  The former expected who-knows-what from me and I didn't provide it, because neither of us ever knew how to talk to each other.  I'm glad my wife is awesome and we're married, because if I had to get back into the dating world these days, I wouldn't survive LOL.

My advice, based completely on my own experiences and probably not nearly applicable in anyone else's circumstances: Date often,  don't force it and don't go professing your love for the first boy or girl who gives you the time of day (otherwise everyone after becomes the new "love of your life" and you never get to learn what love is).  Relax and have a good time.  Don't be afraid to hold hand or give a kiss, and don't feel obligated to go any further than you're comfortable.  It should be a learning experience until your 20's (it WILL be a learning experience at least that long.  I'm 33 and still learning!)


On the flipside of things, if you are dating or married to someone with ADHD, understand their emotions and thought processes ARE NOT the same as yours (even if you have ADHD also) and remember that your relationship should- and hopefully will- be an enjoyable adventure from start to finish.  If it turns into a "Wrong Turn" kind of adventure, don't just let it be.  Fix it, and fix it together.  This can be done.  I've done it.  It's not easy, but knowing that ADHD relationships are high maintenance from the start will help you get through.  Communication is key.  Therapy may be needed.  You may experience a desire to throw away all the laundry that keeps piling up (and you're welcome to it, I hate laundry).  You may need time away (I call this "going fishing").  Don't be afraid.  Tough it out whenever possible, because afterward a successful relationship is all the more appreciated for the work you put into it.


Lastly,  Remember that there is ADHD involved.  Address your relationships just like you would anything else in your ADHD life.  Talk to your therapist, friends, or parents if that's what you do.  Be open and honest.  Do NOT judge. 

you'll be alright.

Finally (yes I just did that) remember that bacon will always be common ground for you to rebuild on.

Field Trip Nightmares

I don't recall the exact moment I began to hate field trips.  As far back as I can remember, they were a source of anxiety for me.  I did not know how to act around my fellow students without the structure and oversight of a classroom environment.  The last fieldtrip I remember going on was in 1st or 2nd grade, to a small theme park in Southern California.  I don't even remember what it was like.  Then there was the nightmarish "6th Grade Camping trip".  I made a cool little leather something-or-other, stamped with a bull.  Everything else sucked.  I would get this pent up energy and have no idea what to do with it.  Being the new kid (I had just moved to IL from California at the begining of that school year) it was already difficult to fit in, and being a goofball on top of that... well, that camping trip put the fear of fieldtrips in me for good. 


 




my first photo edit attempt is almost as sad as the face I'm making LOL

    

Timestamp

Do you ever look back and think about all the mistakes (especially the more "life altering" ones) you've made and wonder what the "you" of the past would think of what you became, and how you live your life now?  I used to love to write poetry.  It all sounded fairly corny or dramatic (I was a teenager, it's to be expected).  I recently came across my writing from way back when.  Reading it, I sort of re-entered the mindframe of the young Andrew who wrote this and that.  What I was thinking then, and how silly I now find the emotions I had then.  Interestingly, thinking about how I dealt with things in the past; how much importance I placed on things that, today I realize, didn't really matter that much, I wonder how the me in another 15-20 years will look at my life now.  Then I realized, I don't really write much these days (I'm really just getting into it, this blog is only about 7 months old).  I have pictures from my teenage years, but none really from my late teens-early tweens.  So I began playing with my pictures, coming up with new images like this one:

Religion and ADHD

Loaded Topic?  Sure.  I'm hoping to get some discussion going with this on, either on Google+ and/or Facebook.  Notice I said religion, and not spirituality.  What's the difference?  I suppose it depends on who you ask.  For the sake of discussion, lets say Spirituality is your belief of a higher power.  This could be your Higher Power in NA/AA, God, Allah, Thor, Superman, AOL... it yours to have and understand as you will. For some, there is no higher power per se, just life to live how one chooses.  All of these are acceptable and work for this discussion.  Religion, on the other hand, while still being your will, is more organized, and we'll consider it to be a provided method, in a somewhat controlled environment, with which you learn about and your higher power and support/practice your beliefs.  I know this may be a bit unorthodox (no pun intended...) given our definition of higher power, but work with me.

I have heard many (And certainly not all) arguments for and against "organized religion."  It's too controlling, it's not controlling enough.  It's not completely in line with my beliefs.  There's nothing out there that I agree with 100%.  I don't believe in God.  Religion is to commercialized...  There are a lot of reasons to challenge the idea of Church, Tent, Prayer, and anything organized.

Mommy's house, Daddy's house

So the title of this entry is actually the same as a great book I read regarding children with divorced parents and shared custody.  One thing that the book states: There is no single home.  There's Mommy's home and Daddy's home.  You're not visiting one place or the other, you live at these homes. 

So, when I say I left home in 2006, that's not to say I stayed in the same home until then.  In 2005, I realized that having a daughter with a woman I was no longer in a relationship with meant I had to start accepting responsibility above and beyond taking care of my self.  There was this beautiful little life that I needed to provide for and protect.  So I left my dad's house and moved in with my mom, working with her for 3x my former income, thus increasing my child support dramatically. This also led me to a brilliant insight: Mommy's house is not the same and Daddy's house.  Yes, both are home, but the structure is sometimes different.  Hold that thought.

Living at Home: Moving out - Aannnnd Moving back...

I'm moving out!  The excitement that comes with this statement the first time we acheive freedom and independance is one-of-a-kind.  I remember I was 19 or 20 when I first moved out.  Now, my parents were well versed in the needs of an adolecent with ADHD, and I had a well-structured childhood.  With their divorce in high school, I lost the respect I had for that structure and for my parents.  I began my rush to get out shortly after graduating.  I was living with my dad at the time, trying to go to college but constantly dropping all my classes.  I couldn't handle the freedom that came from College.  No all day/ attendance mandatory or you get suspended/ report cards sent home to parents to keep me in line.  I would get bored and stop going to class, eventually dropping them all.  In the meantime, I would pick up more hours at work.  I soon realized that I could earn a decent income just working, and opted out of school altogether.  My dad was less than pleased when I announced I was moving into an apartment with my girlfriend of two months, and looking back, who could blame him?  No degree, working two part time jobs, and moving out.  I was excited!

So I mentioned structure. No school, no full time employment, and freedom from rules is not the life for the unprepared ADHD tween.  I was regularly late for work, when I wasn't calling in sick.  I dabbled in drugs, partied fairly regularly, ate poorly; I just generally took poor care of myself and my life.  When things weren't working out with my girlfriend, my best friend took her place as my room mate.  Of course, I wasn't the greatest friend anymore, with my new found freedom and taste for fun...

MY ADD: One of Those Days

9/26/13

 -discussing further examples of what life with A.D.D. /A.D.H.D. is like for me.  my goal with this is to help those without it to better understand it, and for those with it to have something to relate to.

My ADD

As I noted in my first blog post, I was diagnosed borderline ADD and ADHD.  I have symptoms of both, more severe than some people, more mild than others.  I like to think of it as a happy medium.  Mostly I've learned to cope with it and recognize those moments where I need to buckle down and focus.  Mostly.  There is one thing I still struggle with it.  I call it "One of those days."

One of Those Days
This day does not start like most.  Right off the starting block it's off.  

Food as a metaphor for life: earning your dessert

9-24-13

One thing that was difficult for me to come to grips with as an only child was the concept of reason.  More specifically, what is reasonable.  For example, you don't get Ice Cream just because you want it and it's there.  But I learned it. 

Now here I am in the professional world.  Reason is a lost concept.  People don't realize how douche-esque they come across when making demands and claiming entitlement. Remember that the people you interact with also interact with you.  Your server can spit in your food. Your boss can choose not to recommend you for a promotion.  Your Customer will take their business elsewhere.  Yes I went there... it's not just our customers in life that can be unreasonable.  I know too many people who utterly disrespect everyone around them, and don't care.  Whether you are receiving help or being asked for it, be respectful.  Your parents will deny you ice cream if you throw a fit about having to eat a meal first.

So to recap

Just because you feel like you deserve Ice Cream, and you know there is Ice Cream in the Freezer, doesn't mean you can't be ok with having to finish your dinner first.  Do what you can to accomodate those who you need to interact with if you expect them to accomodate you. 

Oh, and don't go saying you can just go and get your own ice cream.  if you could have, you would have.

Thank you for putting up with my metaphor-filled rant.



6/9/14
Addendum

First I just want to say that the word "Addendum" is so professional it hurts.

second, this was regarding customers calling in (I work in customer service) and being rude, going so far as to say that they will take their business elsewhere if they don't get what they want.  Just in case that was lost in my rant.  I would just like to add: Threatening and even acting on your threat to change parents, doesn't get you dessert without dinner; AND you run the risk of being provided with something even worse for dinner.  These ignorant turds feel like they pay a premium to get what they want.  No.  You pay a premium to get what your policy says you get.  you want something better, change your policy and pay more.  This is how life works.

end rant.