Baconlove

Rub Some Bacon on It: http://youtu.be/wSReSGe200A

One thing that, when you get to know me, is abundantly clear: I love bacon.  We all have something abnormal we almost obsess over, and for me that's bacon.  I have a bacon calendar on my desk at work, I have bacon flavored lip balm, bacon flavored floss, even a bacon air freshener in my car.  I share videos and memes about bacon, and do my part is spreading the word about the bacon revolution.

I know it's rediculous.  and in reality, I don't eat a whole lot of bacon (because then I'd get sick of it),  but it is great in everything as the primary ingredient (bacon and eggs, bacon pancakes, etc) or as a condiment or added flavor for salad or meatloaf or ice cream or anything edible. 

ADHD comes with the ability to hyperfocus, though we often don't realize it.  Even been able to read an 1100 page book front to back, before realizing you just spent about 13 hrs straight reading?  I've done that, and at the time had never heard the term hyperfocus.  Think about the things you are crazy about.  Toe socks? Bacon? Pizza?  Beer?  My daughter has a pencil collection, I have a rock collection and a shell collection.  Even our collecting hobbies can be reinforced by our ADHD, and can help treat it!  I digress...

Bacon.

Studies have shown bacon to provide therapy for many things from anxiety to PMS, and supports healthy pregnancy.  Bacon is a well known hangover remedy, as well as a cure for the common headache. 

go eat bacon, and experience a little piece of my world...

Dating and ADHD

How have I not touched on this?  Ever?

Dating with ADHD can be SUPER tough, or super easy, depending on how your life so far has affected your confidence and your social abilities.  I sucked.  I ruined a lot of friendships and relationships for the simple reason that I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no idea that hanging out with a girl would lead my girlfriend to think I was cheating.  I had no idea that when I started dating one of my best friends, I'd have to kiss her (regularly).  Then I grew up a little (or not at all LOL) and discoverred that even though I now knew these things, I could still not control myself enough to have a meaningful relationship.  I honestly wish I had learned what I know now when I was like, 11, so I wouldn't have spoiled so many opportunities as a teenager to actually have an enjoyable relationship.  I was drawn to people who were drawn to me.  Either those who were a bit socially awkward like myself, or complete narcissists who need the attention they got from a People Pleaser. The latter could never understand why I suddenly lost interest and accused me of not caring (which, at that point, was accurate).  The former expected who-knows-what from me and I didn't provide it, because neither of us ever knew how to talk to each other.  I'm glad my wife is awesome and we're married, because if I had to get back into the dating world these days, I wouldn't survive LOL.

My advice, based completely on my own experiences and probably not nearly applicable in anyone else's circumstances: Date often,  don't force it and don't go professing your love for the first boy or girl who gives you the time of day (otherwise everyone after becomes the new "love of your life" and you never get to learn what love is).  Relax and have a good time.  Don't be afraid to hold hand or give a kiss, and don't feel obligated to go any further than you're comfortable.  It should be a learning experience until your 20's (it WILL be a learning experience at least that long.  I'm 33 and still learning!)


On the flipside of things, if you are dating or married to someone with ADHD, understand their emotions and thought processes ARE NOT the same as yours (even if you have ADHD also) and remember that your relationship should- and hopefully will- be an enjoyable adventure from start to finish.  If it turns into a "Wrong Turn" kind of adventure, don't just let it be.  Fix it, and fix it together.  This can be done.  I've done it.  It's not easy, but knowing that ADHD relationships are high maintenance from the start will help you get through.  Communication is key.  Therapy may be needed.  You may experience a desire to throw away all the laundry that keeps piling up (and you're welcome to it, I hate laundry).  You may need time away (I call this "going fishing").  Don't be afraid.  Tough it out whenever possible, because afterward a successful relationship is all the more appreciated for the work you put into it.


Lastly,  Remember that there is ADHD involved.  Address your relationships just like you would anything else in your ADHD life.  Talk to your therapist, friends, or parents if that's what you do.  Be open and honest.  Do NOT judge. 

you'll be alright.

Finally (yes I just did that) remember that bacon will always be common ground for you to rebuild on.

To Fail at Sky Diving

How many of you are country fans?  Ever hear the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw?  Inspiring, right?  Wrong.  Nightmares. 

Many people with ADHD deal with depression and/or a heightened imagination.  Dreams of violence, suicide, etc. can put us on the edge or make us wonder if we don't have some deep down violent tendencies.  I just have the nightmares.  Waking nightmares.   The other day I was listeing to this song, and thinking about what it would be like to go skydiving.  My dad just had a heart attack a month or so ago, and of course, this reiterated the mortal fear in me.  So here I was, kind of daydreaming about going Skydiving with my dad.  The cargo/jump door opened, and I without my chute got sucked out, as my dad hopelessly watched his only son fall away.  As I came out of the daymare, I was left with the sense of him jumping after me, chute on his back and an extra in his hand... but did he reach me?  I'm willing to bet my dad would jump out of a plane if he though he could save me.  Did he reach me?  Of course now I'm thinking of myself and if I were in his shoes and it were one of my daughters.  The images are so vivid I could scream. 

This has recently come up in conversation in one of the groups I regularly participate in online.  An individual had been having violent or depressing dreams, and was wondering if, deep down, she was suicidal.  I won't go into further detail but it made me realize I am not alone with the mightmares and the morbid imagination.  It was interesting to see the comments on that thread.  They were so supportive.  The general consensus was there that if she truly believed she was capable of self harm or harm to others, to seek professional advice.  However, beyond that, there was support.  "You aren't alone, I have those dreams too" kind of comments.  I shared some of my nightmares, daymares, and fears as did others, and I feel like we all kinda changed her thoughts from "What if I'm suicidal?" to "These are the things I fear the most."  When we fear something so strongly, we are not likely to act it out, but rather shy away from it in the waking world. 

My nightmares are almost always about witnessing the violent death of my loved ones, or falling to my own death.  When I even have the slightest thought of harm coming to my kids, I can't bear to look at them, because I see it all over again.  I often wonder why I can't imagine nice things.  Anxiety maybe?

So, here I am in my ADHD mind wondering where I'm going with this, and really, it all boils down to two things.

Assume the best about yourself, not the worst; surround yourself with people who will motivate and relate.

You are not alone.  Whether it's finding something so wonderful it's almost addicting (like Pink Floyd Music) or so awful you wake up screaming, there's someone out there who can relate. 

Basket case

Anyone who's taken a break from their meds will get this...


I recently experienced a life-altering event.  I'm not sure why it's still affecting me, since it's over with, and life has gone on with no injury, torment, sadness, or any other insanity which would cause me duress.  Yet here I am, still unable to function.  It's started affecting my work life.  My blogging.  This morning I wrote and rewrote a blog 3 times, each time less cohesive than the last.  I am second guessing myself constantly.  I do not have the time or money to undergo any non-med treatment, and so it may come down to a decision to take up the ritalin coat of arms once more.


Essentially I feel like I did when I first tried to stop taking meds for my ADHD.  I attempted to quit cold turkey, and the effects were immense.  Concentrate?  What's that?  Focus?  yeah, right...

That's where I am now.  Luckily, I have well developed habits to get through the day.  Even so, I feel like I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth.  I have reverted back to focusing on people's lack of understanding my thought process.  I have created discussions and arguments where none were needed.  Much like the depression that sets in during the winter months, I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. 

Of course I can maintain a facade.  I can act like everything's good.  Those who really have an "in" to my behaviours, however, know the truth.  My manager is one, for sure.  I've been making stupid mistakes regarding processes I've been doing since I started working here.  Mistakes that have no excuse. I'm mixing up my kids' names (more than usual), forgetting what I was saying mid sentence, and spacing out in the middle of conversations.  It's like I'm re-experiencing ADHD for the first time.  And it's exhausting.  It doesn't help that I've been depriving myself of sleep.  Luckily I've been eating fairly well, however I have reintroduced an unhealthy amount of sugar into my diet.  I still get a great balance of everything else I should have, especially Vegetables and fish.  If not for this, I'd be a complete Basketcase.  I feel like my mental functions are deteriorating. It's a helpless feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone.

 I wrote this Morning about semantics, word usage, choosing your battles, all somewhat tied together in my mind, evolved into 3 seperate attempts at 1 blog entry.  All of which disintegrated as I wrote.  I can't retain a thought.  I can't even tell you what I've done so far today at work.  I know I have been putting music on my phone (I lost my iPod) and I know I have a vacation which starts Thursday.  I can tell you the important stuff about my life, my job, my family... the things I've been thoroughly trained on.  Holding on to it while I explain, however, is difficult.  Typing this was difficult.  I started it 3 hours ago.  And now, 20 min after the last sentence, I've had to reread the whole thing to remember what my point is (if I even have one).

So I will leave it at this:  ADHD has been a pain in my ass lately.  That's pretty much all.  And when I put it that way, it seems easier to address. 

Nosey Nosey Nosey

Not only am I easily distracted,  I am INSANELY curious.  With ADHD, I constantly find myself picking up on other people's conversations.  When they interest me, of course, I become hyper focused and before you know it, I'm asking questions and giving my 2 cents!  Sometimes I get a weird look, others I get appreciation.  It's a toss-up.  When I see a squirrel running through a yard, It doesn't just distract me from a conversation I may be having.  I also have to watch the squirrel run through the yard, up the tree, across the branches to another tree... which would all be worthwhile if I could see a hawk swoop down and grab it.  But alas, nothing like that ever happens.

Even Shiny chickens and Bacon-loving Squirrels Think About the Meaning of Life

That's right, folks, it's the blog post you've all been waiting for: What is the meaning of life???  Why are we here?  We are born, taught how to eat. We learn to crawl, walk, run, skip, jump, drink, smoke, streak, dress professionally, invest... then we die.

I found myself thinking about this the other day (some day I'll upload all of my voice memos to myself regarding potential blog posts).   Mankind started living en-tandum with nature.  This is not another nature loving tree-hugging post.  Just saying, we used to coexist.  Now we farm.  It's a fact.  Moving on: at some pivotal point in our development (Mesopotamian domestication) the ancestors of Ancient Babylon (the actual location of the Tower of Babel, for you bible people) decided it was time (or they needed) to stop chasing herds and start domesticationg plants and goats.  They settled down and soon came to live in huts, then clay buildings, then hotels and skyscrapers.  Living was the meaning of life.  Eat, sleep, make the babies, grow the food, die.  Then, someone lived a little too long, or had a little too much time on their hands, and began to ponder life.  Why are we here?

Timestamp

Do you ever look back and think about all the mistakes (especially the more "life altering" ones) you've made and wonder what the "you" of the past would think of what you became, and how you live your life now?  I used to love to write poetry.  It all sounded fairly corny or dramatic (I was a teenager, it's to be expected).  I recently came across my writing from way back when.  Reading it, I sort of re-entered the mindframe of the young Andrew who wrote this and that.  What I was thinking then, and how silly I now find the emotions I had then.  Interestingly, thinking about how I dealt with things in the past; how much importance I placed on things that, today I realize, didn't really matter that much, I wonder how the me in another 15-20 years will look at my life now.  Then I realized, I don't really write much these days (I'm really just getting into it, this blog is only about 7 months old).  I have pictures from my teenage years, but none really from my late teens-early tweens.  So I began playing with my pictures, coming up with new images like this one:

support: empathy vs advice; its a matter of perception

Please keep in mind while reading this, it is meant as my observation only, and with the utmost respect for the groups I am a part of, both in the world of Google+ and Facebook (does Myspace even exist anymore???)


I have heard that Men generally are inclined to give advice, and want advice, whereas women tend to prefer empathy, to give and receive.  I have to say this must be changing.  I have recently noticed that when women share their concerns in a group of supportive friends, the female responders are really split down the middle.  Some provide words of encouragement, while others provide advice.  As this progresses, I noticed, there is sometimes blow back to these responses.  Sometimes the initial post was to seek understanding and empathy, and the advice is considered, more or less, to be cold or bossy (I don't come here to be told what to do).  Sometimes, the poster says something about how much they Appreciate the advice (Thanks, I never would have thought of that!).

I just used women as an example, the results are pretty much the same for men.  Some guys tend to respond with an "I feel your pain" response, while others tend to respond with a more "try this and you'll get results" approach.  I will say the only real difference I noticed between genders is that men tend to be more direct with their response, either empathetic or advisory.

Blog of inappropriate proportions (adult content)

What is appropriate?  It has been confirmed by many that I have a faulty filter.  Yet, I might argue that my filter is better than most peoples'.  Think of this: My mind thinks of more inappropriate things than most peoples.  I'll agree to that.  Yet of those inapporpriate ideas, I share very little.  A select view will know I'm all about "What she said", toilet humor, and adult nonsense.  Here's an examply of what I don't share:

I mean, that's funny, but I wouldn't want my parents to see it.  (well, too late, now that it's here).  The point is, there are times when I'm not considerred the most professional individual out there.  Some people embrace my sense of humor, and thus I have an outlet. 

Maybe you can relate?  Maybe you've had those times (probably several if you have ADD) when you were caught up in the moment with a group of friends and just spouted off the first funny thing that came to mind, and not one person found it funny.  It's like if I were talking to a few churchy people, who were engaged in the drama of the local congregation, when I put my 2 cents in:

College: What does four years really get you?

The topic of school came up today, and I've been thinking about my current course of study.  The genereal course.  One which does not require specific foreign language classes, or high level math (which to me is calculus and statistics).  A Bachelor Degree of General Studies.  I like to call it A Degree of Distraction.  (ADD, perfect!)

College, for me, was always a point of internal conflict.  Because I looked at it wrong.  I wanted to get out of retail.  I knew that for sure.  I had doubts that a journalism degree would get me something I enjoyed that paid well (I like to write, obviously, but for fun, under no pressure to perform).  Law and Medicine just weren't worth the time involved.  I thought for sure that a business major was the only way to go.  Which required Business Statistics (Which I managed to pass with a C for my AA) and business Calculus (the only class I have ever failed, luckily I was able to withdraw before getting stuck with an F on my transcipt), along with who know what additional accounting and economics classes (Accounting: one of few topics I have ever managed to get a C in...).  As you can see I'm very Grade Oriented, and anxious about trying to learn things that hold 0 appeal.  So I pretty much forgot about college and set forth to work for a living.    So here I was, 3 years ago, knowing that if I want to be promoted very far within my current company (which I happen to like), I would need a degree. 

Here's where the politics of College really started to become clear to me.

Pamper me, I'm sick!

Sick men turned babies.

It's a topic we've all seen at least once.  In a meme, silly picture, or wifely rant.

In a nutshell it's like this: Men are macho and manly and can take on the world, until we're sick.

"Pineapple Bacon Skewers" or "Spring is Coming"

I've been watching the weather all day.  Snow is no biggie, right?  Those of us who survived the groundhog day blizzard in chicago a few years ago scoff at this dusting.  Then I get an email from my NIU instructor. 

Class is cancelled

my favorite squirrel picture

I think a lot of poeple consider complaints about Winter to be annoying.  'Why can't people just suck it up?  It happens every year, right?'  Here's my take:  I LOVE winter.

Where are my keys? Where is my mind?

9/15/2013

          Yesterday morning I had a "moment" when I went on a rare doughnut trip with my 3 year old.  We typically eat a more healthy breakfast, but from time to time, it's nice to have a treat.  I had inadvertently left my wallet in my car the night before, and realized this (thankfully) before leaving in my wife's car.  I went to mine to get the wallet.  I saw a blanket in the back seat and thought my daughter, Charlotte, would like it  so I took it to her.  We then left for the doughnut shop.  After I had selected my dozen (and biscuits and gravy for my wife) I went to check out and realized... My wallet was still in my car!  So I had them hold my food and drove back home to get my wallet, then back to the doughnut shop to get my food.  I waited in line, then realized... I left my wallet in the car!  So I had to go out to get my wallet and come back in.  in the meantime, someone bought the last of the biscuits and gravy.  So then I had to wait for more.  When they were done, I paid, and back to the car we went.  placed everything in the passenger seat.  No car keys.  I left them on the counter inside!  I went in and got them, and when I got back my wife asked if we had decided to go for drive.  I had to explain the morning's events.  We all forget our keys, wallets, etc., from time to time.  Leave it to me to forget wallet and keys multiple times in one trip LOL