Dating and ADHD

How have I not touched on this?  Ever?

Dating with ADHD can be SUPER tough, or super easy, depending on how your life so far has affected your confidence and your social abilities.  I sucked.  I ruined a lot of friendships and relationships for the simple reason that I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no idea that hanging out with a girl would lead my girlfriend to think I was cheating.  I had no idea that when I started dating one of my best friends, I'd have to kiss her (regularly).  Then I grew up a little (or not at all LOL) and discoverred that even though I now knew these things, I could still not control myself enough to have a meaningful relationship.  I honestly wish I had learned what I know now when I was like, 11, so I wouldn't have spoiled so many opportunities as a teenager to actually have an enjoyable relationship.  I was drawn to people who were drawn to me.  Either those who were a bit socially awkward like myself, or complete narcissists who need the attention they got from a People Pleaser. The latter could never understand why I suddenly lost interest and accused me of not caring (which, at that point, was accurate).  The former expected who-knows-what from me and I didn't provide it, because neither of us ever knew how to talk to each other.  I'm glad my wife is awesome and we're married, because if I had to get back into the dating world these days, I wouldn't survive LOL.

My advice, based completely on my own experiences and probably not nearly applicable in anyone else's circumstances: Date often,  don't force it and don't go professing your love for the first boy or girl who gives you the time of day (otherwise everyone after becomes the new "love of your life" and you never get to learn what love is).  Relax and have a good time.  Don't be afraid to hold hand or give a kiss, and don't feel obligated to go any further than you're comfortable.  It should be a learning experience until your 20's (it WILL be a learning experience at least that long.  I'm 33 and still learning!)


On the flipside of things, if you are dating or married to someone with ADHD, understand their emotions and thought processes ARE NOT the same as yours (even if you have ADHD also) and remember that your relationship should- and hopefully will- be an enjoyable adventure from start to finish.  If it turns into a "Wrong Turn" kind of adventure, don't just let it be.  Fix it, and fix it together.  This can be done.  I've done it.  It's not easy, but knowing that ADHD relationships are high maintenance from the start will help you get through.  Communication is key.  Therapy may be needed.  You may experience a desire to throw away all the laundry that keeps piling up (and you're welcome to it, I hate laundry).  You may need time away (I call this "going fishing").  Don't be afraid.  Tough it out whenever possible, because afterward a successful relationship is all the more appreciated for the work you put into it.


Lastly,  Remember that there is ADHD involved.  Address your relationships just like you would anything else in your ADHD life.  Talk to your therapist, friends, or parents if that's what you do.  Be open and honest.  Do NOT judge. 

you'll be alright.

Finally (yes I just did that) remember that bacon will always be common ground for you to rebuild on.

Random epiphany: Utopia

How many times have you asked yourself, others, or have been asked: "What would you do if you won the lottery?" or "What would you do with $1billion?"   Are your first thoughts about your new luxury lifestyle or about helping your loved ones?  Are they about vacations?  Buying a plane, a nice car, or a big house? 

Every day I drive to and from work via a rural road, mostly through forest and field, thinking how nice it would be to have a few thousand acres of land to play with and do with what I please.  I have been thinking a lot about the economy lately, and my local ecology as well.  I have discoverred what my ideal life would be. Remember, this is ideal, not necessarily 100% realistic...

I would own 2-5 thousand acres of wetland/prairie ecology.  I would plant minimally, using only local, non invasive (ie silver maple and other trees which tend to take over) plants.  The land would be designated as a preserve, so would have to be in an area with protected wildlife (like wild horses) and I would live there with limited friends and family in a semi-communal lifestyle.  we'd provide our own agriculture.  There would be power, generated by the sun and wind.  Being a wetland, water would be well or stream, with a filtration system which requires minimal upkeep.  The filtration would begin where the water flows into the property, so everything in my ecosystem can experience clean water.  for those who still decided to work (say, to pay the property tax or maintenance costs of the land and lifestyle), there would be parking at the entrance, just like any state park or forest preserve.  The focus would be on clean living within a natural ecosystem.  There would be livestock (goats, sheep, horses, poultry) but also wildlife food sources (deer, berries, pheasants, etc).  We would live publicly (schooling, taxes, hospitals, etc) but with a minimal carbon footprint. 

why?

We are killing ourselves.  We pollute the land we live off of, and thus polute ourselves.  the people of the world need to retain the knowledge of how to care for the land and live off it.  We've lost touch with that.  Decades ago, the people who survived the Great Depression did so mostly because they knew how to be self sufficient.  They grew their own food and canned it for the winter.  They raised goats and chickens in their backyards.  They lived as extended families.  Recently, we had a large recession, and people panicked.  All you heard about was people being upside down in their mortgage, foreclosures, and the price of food and services going up.  People need to realize that they can save hundreds each month by planting a garden and owning a few chickens and goats for milk, eggs, and meat.  When society takes an enormous shit into the fan of life, I want to be among those who have time to duck.  Those who are self sufficient, yet still willing and able to contribute to society.

My Dream house would look something like this.

So my house would be solar powered.  My crops would have ditch irrigation. I would have Apples, berries, and various fruits and veggies like broccoli, tomatoes, celery, leafy greans, cucumbers, corn, peppers, chilis, peas, and squash; and of course roots like onions, potatoes, radishes.  I wouldn't use a microwave.  I'd have a fire-heated brick oven and an electric stove.  So of course there would also have to be plenty of hickory and oak on the land.  It'd be kinda like a commune, but not so cut off from society.  I'd maintain that connection so the reality of what today's society does, to the land and to each other, is always present.

So I guess this turned into a bit of a rant.  When I go to a forest preserve to run, or a river for tubing, I am at peace.  The less I see of societal impact on my surroundings, the happier I am. 

Maybe I need a Kickstart to make this a reality LOL!