Friday, December 6, 2013

Triggers: an Epiphany

I made a breakthrough realization yesterday. 

So here I am, getting annoyed with my wife.  She's acting out of sorts and of course I'm just laying there in bed last night dwelling on it.  Then I realized, I was acting the same way she was.  Huffing and puffing and being antisocial.  So this is how I realized that she was having a bad day, by how frustrated I was getting.  There are few things I dislike more than my wife's unhappiness.  I think, subconsciously I've always gotten defensive about it.  Now I'm sitting here, and I'm thinking back on all the times we get into arguments.  It usually starts with one of us being in a bad mood, and the other taking it personally.  ESPECIALLY ME. 

What I wouldn't give to be that husband who is always calming.  That husband who is the rock of the family.  kids respect him, wife depends on him and appreciates him, because he is constantly showing his appreciation for her.  We all know that perfect husband image: never gets mad, always puts the needs of his wife and kids before his own, breaks everything he tries to fix.  I don't fix enough things to screw up on that end...

So one thought led to another, and another, and it comes down to this.  I am not perfect.  Sure, I knew that already.  No body is perfect, but a husband should be in the eyes of his wife, just as his wife should be perfect in his eyes.  This does not happen automatically.  It takes effort.  Effort to be a better person.  Effort to, if you want something done, do it yourself.  ALWAYS be willing to do it yourself.

Now take a step back:  If you are an adult with ADHD, how often do you take it upon yourself to make sure everything is as close to perfect as possible for your spouse?  How often to you get caught up in wishful thinking?  How often is that wishful thinking just depressing?  I want to try to focus more on making things better for my family and focus less on wishful thinking.  Wish me luck.


  1. I am so glad you took the time to reflect and consider how your own behavior was affecting your family. More husbands should do that. Since you typed this blog up a while ago, I wanted to ask you how things have been going in this regard. Good, I hope. Please give us an update. Thanks

  2. I would like to think I am getting better at setting clesr expectations about how u like things, but doing as much on my own as I need to in order to be satisfied. I get a bit of a temper sometimes, but I am learning to recognize when I am easily triggered and am working on helping my wife understand my coping mechanisms. I could probably do more to achieve that "dream husband" status, but even small steps forward are still steps in the right direction. We are definitely happier and more supportive of each other than when I wrote this.