What's my motivation?

 

This is a previously written post that I felt I did a poor job with.  It was inspired by a response I had via facebook, and I don't feel I did that response justice.  My comments reflect how I relate to that feedback I had received, and has been changed to be more of a response, in style.  I'm still getting the hang of all this, so thanks for your patience.  I am sure many can understand, given the circumstances ;)

 

 The only time I'm motivated to get stuff done is when I've let it go so long that I'm mad enough to blast through it, or when someone's going to be visiting.  Either way, things get to the point that they are frustrating.  If there is no company coming over, and a kitchen full of dishes, I still want to get it done.  But there's this force inside that says "meh, no one else is doing it, why should you?"

The answer is this: Because I'm the one who wants it done, at least in that particular moment.

Pills do not provide motivation.  This is absolute, to me.  Pills gave me the ability to focus.  To concentrate.  My motivation, however, came from my parents, my teachers, my coach.  Now it comes from my parents and my managers at work.  It comes from my readers and friends.  It does not come from within.  Sometimes I feel like I need a babysitter to follow me around and make sure I stay on task.  I've said before that Freedom is perhaps the worst thing to happen to a young adult with ADHD.  It's addicting!

The best trick I ever learned was to get mad at myself to be motivated to do something.  I care about the state of my home, and my relationship with my family.  And I hate myself for not being the person I constantly wish I was.  It's not for lack of desire.  I know there are other's out there who feel like this!  You are not alone!

The power of the mind is, well, powerful!  It's harnessing that power that is the hard part.  Routine, routine, routine.  Structure is crucial.  I don't need a Dr. or Psych. or shrink to tell me that.  I have only to look back on my life, the times I had structure, and the times i didn't, and see the difference.

As always, thanks for reading!